When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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