Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
