Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
