Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
