the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
