mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
