NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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