The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Randomize
