ugly people sure do ruin things
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
