Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
