So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im holly from the hills drunk
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
