I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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