you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
