Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
