ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
