This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
