i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
