Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
