it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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