put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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