the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
