The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
