he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
