All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
