I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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