I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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