Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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