i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
