Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
