I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
