is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
