I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
