I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
