I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
