I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
