I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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