just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
