is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
