She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My penis needs a shock collar
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
