Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
