I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
