it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
