Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
