You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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