At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
