don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
