Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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