Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
