You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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