Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
