One girl and one boy is just not enough.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Such a big mess for such a small penis
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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